would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
