quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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