I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
