I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
