He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
