Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
