I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
