There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
