the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Randomize
