Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
