the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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