those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
