We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
