it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Randomize
