She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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