She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
