I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
