bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
