We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm at about main and main street
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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