I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
