i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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