well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
