he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
