like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
