The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
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