Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
