I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
