I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
