I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
