I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
porn star boner night. come get it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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