Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
