He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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