I wannas sexs uuuuu
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
