Say something about gay babies.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
