Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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