i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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