and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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