Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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