i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
