so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
