24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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