I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
