WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
