Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
