i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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