those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
only if we run a train.
done.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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