Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
