If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
