I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
