So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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