just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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