I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
