And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
