I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
