You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
