They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
